I was just given a safe word. It's going it be an interesting night.
MASS TEXT! MASS TEXT! Your sad horny friend has finally gotten it in and can go back to being normal once again. You're welcome.
I think it was the free bomb shots from the creepy bolivians that sent us over the edge
You texted me a picture of your face along with #help
Came back with a random sweatshirt, an American flag, and a for sale sign. Mission success?
The waitress at the airport bar just asked me if I wanted a "to go" beer, hahahahaha OF COURSE I WANT A TO GO BEER.
i don't know if this is a cannibal joke or a sexual innuendo, and i think that's a beautiful description of our relationship.
So we hooked up and then instead of texting me, he endorsed me on LinkedIn for Microsoft Word a few days later
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
If I could drink as much and have the amount of sex he has at his age, well I'd probably be dead
I'm really going to need you to stop yelling Campari.
I also have bagel bites. I know that's not as big an incentive as the cocksucking but.....
So you broke your ribs while fucking? Dude you just got about 25% hotter.
Last night was great... In the "I got videotaped making out and getting a handjob on the couch in front of 100 people." kinda way.
I peed on his bed and he still likes me. #keeper
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