We are allowed to think Jacob from Twilight is hot in 468 days!
I don't know what is sadder, the fact that you figured that out or the fact that I can't wait until then!!
I can't believe all I ate yesterday was half a turkey sandwich and 20 finger licks of exctasy.
Just to be safe, you should be prepared to jump out of a second story window
check off brunette on the list of girls tht hit me with there cars and then fucked me later
He called me while he was having sex and asked if I wanted to go get mcdonalds
Ssssssssssshhhhhhhhhhhiiiiiiii!iiiiiiiiiitttttttttttttttssssssssssssshhhhhhhhooooooooowwwwwww. Letters for emphaSSIIISISEEEE!
dude there's no way we're going back in there for your puke shoes
Apparently unused tampons can also double as things to bite down on during public sex to prevent screaming...
Please put me in a whole with no windows and never let me out.
did you just say you're too stoned to fool around? okay we're over.
He wanted me to come over on Christmas...inviting your fuck buddy over for the holidays is just something you don't do.
Below this exterior of ice is a layer of cum. Followed by a pool of gin. More cum. Then, finally a heart.
You used a fucking bud light like as lube last night. I'd get a UTI test like stat.
My cats name is now jello shot. How much do you love me right now?
Two words: nipple clamps
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