Once you see the odd facial expressions and noises a guy makes while he is furiously beating off on top of you, it kind of puts things into perspective.
Just stole a pregnancy test from Wegmans because I didn't want to pay 13 dollars to find out my life is over.
She fucked me because she said I looked like Neil Patrick Harris
And when we woke up we made beer pancakes. Great start to a family picture day.
Denis dont give a fuck, Denis drinks out of straws. Denis disregards the fire station & bought 18 fire hoses so he can fight it himself if the farmhouse is on fire.
Hey, if I'm gonna bastard a child and ruin his life, I'm going balls out.
Mmhmmm. I have a list of drunk achievement that is almost as long as my list of stoned achievements
Well, you've continued the theme of living with people who's dicks I've sucked.
im far more worried about your salsa intake than your weed intake
My girlfriend is pregnant with her exs baby. 2014 just became the worst year
Congrats! Its a fuck boy!
Fuck him and his perfect arms, huge penis and relentless ability to ignore me.
Got wasted in a little tiki hut by the beach yesterday. Woke up with a coconut and half of a mushroom burger in my purse. I also have a picture of our Romanian bartender's fingernails on my phone lol
Why do you always wake up with meat in your purse?
HEY I WILL KIDNAP THE FUCK OUT OF YOUR PET GOAT
The same idiot-bubble, now just bigger and louder.
Randomize
