Dude, just got a bummer.
What??
A blow job from a homeless chick.
It was her 21st and she had one drink and fell asleep. I hate 90lb girls.
She slept with 4 other guys since we went on a break. And her ex. But apparently she hasn't given any bjs out of respect for me. Why does that comfort me?!
bringing a ziploc bag full of Jim Beam to the movies may not have been the best idea.
I should probably file for unemployment. Sometime between last night and 4 AM I facebooked my manager the lyrics to hoe by ludacris. I'm just projecting ahead here.
Yeah we call her cincohandjabos because she gave 5 guys handjobs one night in 5th grade
Getting up is taking longer than anticipated. Alcoholic fish bowls have made getting out of bed a multitstep process.
What about.....a game of twister and....wait..nevermind. I've hit my cap for sexualizing things today.
You know those twins i had a crush on in grade school? Just woke up between them. Best. Party. EVER.
I COULD BREAK CONCRETE WITH MY FOOTBALL ERECTION.
Right, try not to commit a felony that costs more than 4 dollars cause that's all I have in my bail jar.
I danced with a french guy who licked the sweat off my neck and poured a drink on me. Not gonna lie, that shit was refreshing
Apparently the guy with the moaning gf that lives above us is in my DES class... AWKWARD
I'm going to get drunk, come back, call my grandma, and eat all those scrambled eggs.
is it sad that a disney movie is making me horny?
Randomize
