i always forget guys have bellybuttons
I feel like she's the kind of girl who always ends up with guys who have oddly shaped dicks..
pretty sure i saw you masturbating on chatroulette a minute ago. yes, i can recognize your cock
I THOUGHT I SAW YOU
I was trying to make tacos and friends but there was a major language barrier.
I've been ignoring his texts cause last night I put him in my phone as 'ignore for atleast a day' and I trust my drunk self.
It's 9am. I'm four lines ahead of you already. Wake up.
He left npr on the whole time when we were doing it. ironic that i lost it on the 100th anniversary of the titanic. thanks michelle norris.
I found a video of myself completely naked on my phone giving a drunk tutorial on how to shit properly while blindfolded. Did you record it?
I just got nudes while talking in the third person. Not sure if I Should be proud or ashamed.
Just caught myself trying to make grilled cheese with the stove off. I think my dad knows I'm high.
The girl in line in front of me at the grocery store is buying wine, m&m minis, a toothbrush, and condoms. Is it inappropriate to high-five her?
After round two, I told him he deserves an award. He bowed and did a princess wave WHILE his dick was still inside me.
And then I was like pick your blow job song and he choose the sonic the hedgehog theme song. If he's not the one no one is.
You don't understand. This boy has the Mona Lisa of cocks.
I’ve chosen to watch a Mercedes station wagon drive around the Austrian in the rain because it’s live sports. If that doesn’t explain 2020, I don’t know what does.
Randomize