apparently farting at a cop is considered assault.
dude you have to find out what a girl's name is before you sleep with her. if her name is debbie she's boring, if her name is lauren she's an overrated hoebag, if her name is meagan she gived bad head.
yup, got lost on my way to the final. maybe i should have gone to this class all semester
Its against the rules to not make you aware of his virgin situation prior to penetration
After blacking out and loosing my phone for a month, I found it in the parking lot across the street. Last text "rager in the street". I remember none of this.
I'm beginning to think the only reason I get laid anymore is girls are fantasizing sleeping with my dad...
He gave me a card that said "I'm so glad we found each other... In the pants" and a pat on the head... My walk of Shame wasn't so bad.
Yeah, this dress is irreparably whorey. I've resigned myself to being a family scandal.
Y'all best leave this "I can only have a couple drinks" shit at the door. U don't drive to Yukon to have a shot. I'm getting u fuckers drunk.
Yes. That was the exact moment of my conscience clicking into instant high alert.
Don't take advice from me. I'm simultaneously shitting and eating cheesecake.
You said too many real things and now I need to crawl back inside my protective fort of sarcasm, being an asshole, and sass
And by "I love him" I mean "I want his tongue down my throat.
Walk of shame through Chipotle? Check.
People don't believe me when I say the bruises are from work. They just smile and say "right." Trust me, I WISH my sex life was that exciting.
Randomize
