so im in the parking lot of taco bell eating a taco...and some girl just got out of a car and screamed at the top of her lungs "XANEX FOR SALE!!!!" i fucking love Hamilton.
My parking ticket this morning was 30bucks. I feel like I'm paying the city to fuck you.
he squeezed my boobs like he didn't know what else to do with them, then turned down head...
told you he was gay.
You only ask me to come over when your gf is gone, and thats usually at midnight to cook chicken salad and watch you pass out
Sorry for screaming that you were an apple in spanish at the bar last night, that was the wine talking
What are you talking about?! I shot gunned a monster while simaltaneously blowing gym boy Todd. If I'm not the poster child for being well rounded and versatile I have no idea what NYU is looking for
I walked in on him successfully eating chips and masturbating at the same time. I don't know whether I should be ashamed or proud.
I messaged him asking for his address. He replied with the address then said, "If you're gonna stalk me, I'm the third window on the side and usually get naked around 8am and anytime randomly after 6pm (listen for music).. If you're sending anthrax, I'm 6'2" 225lbs so send a good amount."
I'm pretty sure the girl in the stall next to me is waiting on me to leave so she can poop but I'm doing the same thing so it's like a Mexican standoff
The beer shits the day after completing the World Beer Tour at Epcot are just as epic as the tour itself.
That's a really terrible idea.
Awesome I'm gonna do it then, thanks for the input
Dude it's 6 am and you just invited me to a hotel with a shit ton of coke. Best morning ever
God help them if any millennials are in the vicinity. Rent is too high and we no longer fear death
he asked me why I let you steal the gnome, and you jumped out of the bathroom, yelled "you know why!" and ran outside with said gnome
Being single again makes you realize how guys can go from licking your asshole one night to never texting you again
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