Random question, how's your gag reflex these days
8am blowjobs give a whole new meaning to morning breath..
there were more penises there than on chat roulette
someone wrote "the short drunk lives here" on our door. i already have a reputation
you were saying "i am the vodka queen!" and then in a different voice replying to yourself "all hail the vodka queen! you are so beautiful!"
I just got licked by a stripper, not so great anymore.
Her life is proof that being a drunken slut will get you places.
HOW ARE YOU ALWAYS DRUNK? AND WHERE ARE TOU TRYING TO GO??
Please tell me I didn't help an old woman shave her vagina last night. Please.
That's the least of the fucked up shit you did last night dude.
NoShamevember. You game?
they adjusted my tv to black and white ... i thought i drank myself to colorblindness
So the tow truck driver didn't charge us because Ian convinced him that he was sent out by God to share his cocaine with us.
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
he'll eat me out, but god forbid we double dip when sharing salsa
Why are there condoms taped to the handle of Tito’s?
I get horny when I drink, pregnant when I fuck and I never lose the booze unlike my purse
Randomize
