so he shaved. down there. and before he took his pants off i thought it was hot but then all i could think about were the naked mole rats from 7 grade science class.
Just found out that I was singing john legend songs as I threw up last night. Quality.
you have to be so drunk to ignore a taser
apparently, i ordered a pogo stick last night. i can't even be mad about that.
You told your mom that it was your second day sober. I think she believed it until you jumped off the balcony
I've just never heard the term serendipitous used to describe having one's asshole licked.
well what the fuck is the POINT of teetotal mardi gras
I'm trimming my pubes right now and the battery was wearing down. So I chose to only trim one side. I cut the right side down and now I look like pubic two-face. Right all trim and near and left like a caveman.
YOU DONT EAT A GIRL OUT AND THEN GO PUKE ASSHOLE
I finally broke my dry spell. I did it. D-do-da-Dora.
I worry about your feelings an awful lot for somebody who gets off on making you cry
Hey every now and then can you tell me you want to fuck me to boost my confidence? Thanks.
you know your booty call is really trying when he offers to pay the toll for the bridge you have to cross to get to his house
You waddled all the way home with your shoes in a construction cone. I'm glad to call you my Bestfriend.
The sex was so good we high-fived after.
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