Just met a guy who has been in college for 7 years and still classified as a junior. Then watched him shotgun 10 beers. Found my new hero
Just took a beer bong out of snuffaluffagus's trunk. Your move
youre totally missing out on eating your boogers right now. my entire face is numb
She came over with Guinness cupcakes, a case of Mickeys, wearing an Ireland flag & nothing else.
He asked me "did you used to go to church" while we were having sex.
Don't feel bad sweetie, you're not the only classy one in town. I'm still driving around with that tupperware of tequila in my cup holder from last week's Margarita Monday.
The taxi driver was going on about how many drunk chicks want to sleep with him when he drives them home. Not sure if he was bragging or hinting
I like to get drunk just like anyone else but not to the point of sticking a rubber tube up my asshole
You pulled out a fucking recorder and started playing along with all the songs on your playlist and refused to hit the j
I woke up with a stapler in my ass. Don't even complain to me.
You were naked with a chalice of Skittles vodka, singing along to Les Miserables.
I should probably stop recommending my dentist to the different guys I'm seeing. That could be awkward in the future.
I just saw someone dressed as a bear leave your house on a motorcycle. I guess you guys are having a good time.
Burnt my boob on a piece of hot waffle at work today..I feel like thats a new low point in my career..
this periodpocalypse needs to be over. I need head
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