so they are in my phone as twin 1 and twin 2. but i forget which is which. did i put them in order of who I hooked up with first, or who is sexier? cause i'm not trying to text the one with the girlfriend
1st off, theyre identical. 2ndly, have i ever told you that youre a huge slut? hope that helps
This is not a drunk text right now. This is an i want your dick text. There is a difference.
I'm bleeding from my lower lip, and I have bruises around my neck. It was just easier to say I got mugged.
I just had some guy offer to eat me out on my lunch break... I think single life is getting better everyday
Tis the season to puke in grandma's bathroom
yolo... Doesn't that stand for 'shut the fuck up'?
What made this night legendary was getting pulled over for looking suspicious while wearing an iron man mask
I only see on penis in this picture but I assume there is another lurking out of sight.
Better safe and shitfaced than hungover and in need of another surgery.
In other news, I woke up still drunk and I think I literally just broke the Guinness book of world records for most bloody Mary's in one day...
sorry I called you to cry about the state of the neopets economy
I would give a kidney to fuck him and he knows it. That bastard.
Okay, I just reached peak living alone
I ate a piece of chocolate cake while jerking off
ever feel bored AND lazy?
I call it "awake" but yeah...
Omfg 7 hour sex session who am I?
PS: I think I'm in love
Ability to walk tomorrow tbd
Randomize
