Doug is wearing your sports bra fyi
I just put lube in Matt's bellybutton. He looks unhappy.
I did the walk of shame to church this morning.
hooker boots and all?
Yep. People looked at me like I was the prodigal daughter returning home. Full of sins but welcome anyway.
They wouldn't let me go to sleep at the police station while I was waiting to bail u out. YOU OWE ME
I am going to make your legs soar from cumming so much
Like they're going to fly away?
oh, so if i go friday and she's there, you are going to be my sponsor for not banging the crazy chick
My younger brother just got high fives from all my guy cousins for fucking my best friend. I hate family gatherings.
Can we please get on skype for like 20 seconds so i can show you my penis and the spiderman temporary tattoo that is right above it
I can't believe this. 100 bucks says my Botox lasts longer than their marriage will.
You've never really lived until you tell someone you have an STD over snap chat.
if you were broke and planning on using koolaid as a tequila chaser which flavor would you pick?
If I'm able to walk tomorrow morning, I'm gonna be really disappointed with myself...
My hairdresser won’t do keratin treatments because of the toxins, but will put ecstasy up her butt at festivals...
I'm gonna make out with this 38 yr old. Mark my words. I don't even have daddy issues.
You're like a care bear with a big cock & a sexual prowess that would put the mighty Thor to shame.
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