I'm already going to be stripping so like pretty much you would just be watching me. Also we're watching twilight. again.
I understand how i shit in my shoes, but explain why you were wearing them.
She called me her ex's name in a supermarket. How boring am I that she livens up shopping by thinking of another guy?
He had a cowboy hat I don't know where from and he was trying to lasso a snowman with a dog leash.
I'd say the best part of the party was when you screamed to everyone that you were gettin dome on the reg
The "don't get cum on anything" rule also applies to my furniture and scarves
That's not technology. Doesn't count.
Then I hope you find a set of extremely intelligent, flexible triplets in the ethnicity of your choice.
That is the nicest thing anyone has ever wished for me
Of course I'll be there. I never miss an opportunity to smell like cigarettes, cheap beer, and shame.
I just explained my sex life to the "if you give a moose a muffin" book... Is that weird?
I remember puking but I don't remember where. PSA: don't go barefoot around the house
I just walked through the door and she ran up to me, hugged me, unzipped my pants and immediately started sucking my dick. Good day.
she fell asleep in a torn bush after playing cards at a nursing home.
i woke up face planted on your ottoman..thanks for letting me sleepover
I put on that one song on Titanic so he'd fall asleep. When I was positive he'd passed out in a drunken fit, he outstretches his arms and says "I'm flying, Jack.."
I'm like a sensual ninja. You turn your head for a second and.... BOOM I'm naked. It's like a naughty magic trick.
Randomize
