just ate pastrami before passing out in my hotel room. My room smells like a petting zoo
Thanks for the birthday present, i had so much fun playing with it
Are you talking about my vagina?
Have you ever made a sandwich from swedish fish and tortilla chips?
apparently you can't crawl through the drive-thru window
you can SEE the outline of a pad through her jeans. there is no way
Yeah I had to push her down the hallway to the hotel room in a luggage carrier. The guy at the desk told me goodluck
Idk what else to talk about besides you paying for half of my vaginaplasty.
Even completely stoned shes amazing on the piano. There are like 7 people sitting on the ground listening to her like she's the messiah.
All I know is I was dancing to Shakira in his alley and I think rubbing my junk on his car door.
I'm drunk in a place called Lick-A-Chick. PS. It's not a lesbian hot spot, they sell chicken.
he puked all over my guest bed and the said he felt good enough to clean it up. he poured bleach all over the bed and passed out in it. he had the chemiacal burn for a month...
Mind if I sleep with your cousin? If I can... thanks. If no, sorry its gonna happen.
She's the queen of dating. She managed to get a date with a guy who saw her puke five times in two hours.
She's eating hot cheetos out of the bag with chopsticks, Matt, how is she NOT my soulmate?
We are totally like Jim and Pam, except ya know, drunk and not together anymore.
Randomize
