The drink u got me is pineapple something w. Cigarete ashes in it.ima drink it anyway
Nothing says "I'm a sorority girl" like puking at 830 in the am, wearing my anti-hazing pin, and getting ready for a tea party.
Uh, do you remember who's thong is in my tree?
Buying Plan B right after a lecture on feminism. It's nice to know who I can thank for that right.
Printing the vagina inspector badge was money well spent.
So I think I might just embrace the awkwardness and say he fingerblasted her cause thats the greatest word in existence
I masterbate to the thought of you. You totally aren't just a booty call.
He says he won't get serious until he screws an Asian and a virgin. I should just place an ad on Craig's List
Wanted: female 18-24 of Asian or partial Asian descent to fuck my ginger boyfriend. Must be willing and able to fake virginity. No emotional connection needed, just sex, just once. Further contact post sex not needed (or particularly desired)
I hope to God it's not the new neighbors having sex, because what I'm hearing sounds like a mildly defective vuvuzela or a cow giving birth.
We've been watching Scooby Doo and having sex for the past 36 hours, so life is great
I had my room mate call my phone after last night and it was in an uncooked quesadilla
just so you know they found you begging for money at the L station. What the fuck did you drink last night?
just realized we fucked to the ultimate disney playlist last night. hakuna matata.
Kay so its 9 am whose dumbass is gunna act sober to buy pizza rolls
Dude you promised
And I’m prepared, because I'm in it to win it (and by win I mean get railed hard)
Randomize
