You know it's an interesting night when you drunkenly scream at your boss, "You'd make a HORRIBLE OBGYN!! You're hands are ENORMOUS!"
i justawanted to let you know that illi aalways be thwew for ui and o qill waasag youer dog whenebvet u wsnt
you convinced me to pee myself because I was wearing dark jeans.
how was your day?
fuck the small talk. are you bringing the liquor tonight or am i?
Horny girl and non horny girl have different views on life
Do you think it'd be inappropriate to have an I'm Not Keeping My Baby Party the day after her baby shower?
He smashed a plastic chair leg on a tree stump, threw himself into the side of our metal enclosure, stomped on the wreckage for a bit and then punched the fire.
I gave him my yeast infection. HOW THE FUCK DOES THAT EVEN WORK?
Oh that's what I forgot last night.. To make out with her.
When did it become normal to wake up in the middle of the night to take a group bathroom break and have a 10 minute discussion on where the next football game is?
I just found out two girls I dated met each other, bonded over how much they hate me, started dating and are gonna get married soon.
My farts smell like burning tires and false courage
She was cute in her own little way. Shit, free taco's makes anyone hot.
Where do you think your fantastically immense lady-boner for men in uniform comes from?
Listen, i know this is weird for you, but as your fuck buddy, id prefer if you didnt fuck her.
Youre asking too much from me
Randomize