We better get laid next semester cause I prayed hard
I even walked 30 feet with my eyes closed from two love rocks so that we get some cock
Dude love is like an itch. You fuckin scratch it, then it itches more, then you scratch it and it itches more, and before you know it, there is semen everywhere.
you are insane
Spotted on freeway- girl in ford focus takes a hit from a 7 inch pipe while knee driving. She winked at me. I want her life.
he was playing drums on rock band as i poured bailey's into his mouth. tell me that's not a bonding moment.
He had a cowboy hat I don't know where from and he was trying to lasso a snowman with a dog leash.
Protocol on turning down a date from someone in the House of Representatives?
She sleeps with her hand around my balls. First I thought it was just a comfort thing. Now I think it's to make sure I can't slip away in the middle of the night.
I'll be thirty in eight months. I think my goal is too stop changing my pants in the parking lot at work by then.
you didnt realize it, but you puked in the bushes in front of a church and yelled "GOD IS DEAD"
I guess there's no delicate way to say "I'm 90% sure I sucked his dick in the bathroom of the bar."
All I can think about are the cheese it's on my desk at work this morning. Like are those apologetic cheese it's or does he seriously think he still has a shot..
Was it your intent last night to burn the house down? With a waffle..
Perfect. I'll put on my party clothes and write emergency numbers on my arm
Puked up breakfast after doing my first minze shot in a while, but that shot was to Trump losing the election, so it's all good.
It was like Strip poker and blow, but with Yu-Gi-Oh cards
Randomize
