Don't worry I'll hold the wheel while you cum
If Jimminey Cricket were here with me he would be so disappointed.
I got offered a handle of vodka and tomato soup to bring his dog home. He knows me all too well.
You told me to pour the Gatorade on you "like Flashdance"
I'm really stoned in my underwear. I probably won't make it to the bar.
Exactly, there's no such thing as commitment at foam n' glow
I literally just biked home like I was on the last leg about to win the tour du France. Fuck diarrhea
I understand that just don't try to seduce me while making frozen pizza again.
low point in my life last night. licked pizza grease off my iphone screen..
Just pee around me
She left her panties here. They looked SOOO much smaller last night.
I'll have sex with you for tacos. I don't care, man.
do I look like a person who has full control of their limbs and existence on this plane of reality
I just realized that you're going to be drunk for daylight savings time again. Godspeed.
Wait, there's no way I said I would suck his dick. I know drunk Katie.
No, you told him to suck YOUR dick.
See now that sounds like drunk Katie.
Randomize
