The only way im leaving this casino is in a golden chariot or an ambulance
this girl ate taco bell on my bed naked last night, it was the sexiest thing ive ever seen
You should have seen her outfit yesterday. It was like pretty woman before Richard Gere gave her money to buy a new outfit.
Just spit on a sock to clean a spot on my glass table. Oddest combination of so lazy and motivated ever.
Or they can chase TEQUILA shots with it. I don't know why my phone capitalizes TEQUILA.
I want "hickeys on my ass" sex
He's an acquired taste, like S&M or those crunchy things they put in salads
Croutons?
I KNEW IT. I HAD A FEELING. THIS IS GODS CURSE. BREAK UP WITH A SEX GOD. GET ONE OF HIS PEASANTS.
I don't care how hungry or impatient you are. the highest setting on the microwave is 100% and you better not take it appart to add power. This is not the Enterprise.
Almost just stuck my dick in my bong for no reason
Dude. Going to the Theme park the day after the 4th of July was the worst idea I've ever had.
It's the happiest looking penis I've ever seen. It should have a top hat and a spectacle on and soft shoe across the room with a cane. He's a cheery little feller.
i would stab him if he didn't just tell me he is a priest
Yes. Ice cream tacos are an important aspect in the bridge of friendship
Our love of vodka is more proof than a maternity test
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