i found literally half of a double sided dildo in my shower. i guess someone went home happy.
VITAMINS IN VODKA. IM NOT LYING.
I'm walking down the halls of our hotel and listening for sex noises and knocking when I do.
So at what point while he was throwing up on the girl next to him did you think "yeah, im going to hit that"
i just threw up in the porta potty. i am in no condition to be guarding anyone's life rite now.
When you started Hi-fiving people I knew u were fucking gone. You slapped some dude on the shoulder when he wouldn't hi-five you and he asked if he even knew you
There will be two dogs there to provide supervision. Not to worry.
I'll see your cousin, and raise you a sister.
you missed kickoff and the first round of bodyshots. I suggest you get here now.
you want your laptop back?
are you giving me my laptop back, or cashing in on our break up sex?
both.
come over.
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
I told him I was very thankful for what his country has done to my vagina and walked away.
So much for doing Irish car bombs in my grandpa's memory.... Asshole.
There is a man playing a trumpet at this brunch and I hate life. Too hungover for this. Send help ASAP.
i'm just really offended he didn't want to have breakup sex. like that was the only thing i was really looking forward to
Randomize
