Liz and I are now offficially highest. OH, and your girlfriend may be a vampire. Heads up. SPARKLESSSSS
Put my glitter back.
i wish i could "like" people's thoughts in real life like i can on facebook
you can....by speaking....
you started whispering 'the itsy bitsy spider' while you were putting your hands up my shorts.
So I just googled the ten commandments... Were fucked.
You couldn't find any paper towel to clean up the wine you spilled, so you tried to use her cat.
ooh i remember now. Not very absorbent.
I guess since this is supposed to be my year of the lesbian it's okay
Escorted out of jimmy johns because I refused to leave with my dog. Stole a loaf of bread on the way out.
How on earth did you break your wrist?
I went into someone's yard so I could pee and I found a tireswing
You can't just beat off while driving someone else's car. Thats a rule
Thats your rule and this car is nice
Just found some confetti on my nipple if that's any indicator of how the night went
That happens a lot to the people around me. It's like I'm radioactive but instead of cancer, you get desensitized to the word cunt
You missed the winter stoner olympics last night....I got the gold in blunt rolling
Also I just took the BEST ass selfie of my adult life.... it's gonna be a good day haha
I hear jingle bells and I can't tell if it's bc I'm feeling festive or just REALLY high
I'm not gonna lie, but for some reason I have this strong desire to watch porn with my pint of haagen das.
Randomize
