after drinking 6 jumbo margaritas he then proceeded to tell the entire restaurant that he was going to "bust a load in me" when we got home....how do you think the rest of my night went?
She told me she was a cowboys fan... I told her it was a waste of a perfect set of tits
he like comes into my room and is like..."can you fix my pants" and then just drops trou
People are handing out olympic condoms downtown, just put it on and it broke, this is how there trying to raise the population. Very sneaky canadian government, very sneaky
Just made a coke joke and literally drooled on myself. How do we feel about pavlov's theory of conditioning now?
my step dad just called me a drunken slut..someone in my family finally understands me
There are many reasons why he shouldn't come over. And each one is longer than his penis.
Shit, I may have left some acid in your bathroom last night. Has he been in there lately.
I'm love that we're talking about a possible 3rd 3some, and that you're going to be a dad.
This girl caught me staring at the cat but stroking the computer because it was closer, which is why I hate blunts.
We're not on Beacon Street anymore so now your argument about not peeing on the sidewalk holds no water. Whereas my bladder has holded every water.
Inebriation Olympics: Team Drunk vs Team Stoned. This weekend. It's on.
I met his parents. We played twister. My boob popped out.
I told him you forbid me to sleep with him so he needs to accept that.
Did you get drunk between now and two texts ago?
Randomize
