Tonight was fucked up. First my mom called me and told me I had to go to the bar to pick up my dad 'cause he was drunk. Then when I got there my dad was doing a body shot from this lady who happened to be my 1st grade teacher. By far the most awkward car ride home. Idk if I should tell my mom or not.
Whatever my ex gf's roomates talked shit about me so I jizzed in their shampoo bottle one night
Its a sad when the highlight of your day is flicking a booger and actually getting it to stick to your computer monitor.
winter break is gonna be like a weird mixture of rehab fat camp and holiday cheer.
He just randomly started talking about Haiti and Conan O'Brien and his grandpa's hip replacement operation. It was the worst phone sex I've ever had.
Want to get naked in Baltimore this weekend?
somehow he and i always have our deepest conversations after phone sex.
You don't have anything to lose--we've established that he's not going to murder you and he smells good.
I lost all of my bathing suit tops.. This is both a success and a failure
I have seriously seen way too may DIY cut off jean booty shorts and half shirts on fat girls this summer. Fuck you Pinterest.
Let me know. Show me one boob if yes. 2 if no
I joined the mile high club last night. I ran a mile while high on coke. It was glorious
Let's play the game let's see how long Kayla can be sober
i almost threw up on his dick. its like icarus, flew too close to the sun. except the sun is his dick and my throat was icarus
This is what I get for listening to Christians.
Randomize
