I know right? mind you this is the same woman who told me when I was 12 that oral sex just meant talking dirty
I plan on putting pajamas back on after I shower. Today is going to be awesome.
you just started pointing at the light and whispering "star wars"
This is a whole other level of drinking. Like the I used to eat paste with these people kinda drinking.
sitting on the counter. eating honey. crying, because coldplay sounds beautiful on the radio. highhhhh as the sky
I have too much pride to pick his chest hair out of my mouth again
Apparently I walked up to him, mumbled something incoherently, then started to make out with him. Why does this always happen.
You expect me to find someone in two days who I feel comfortable enough with to ask them to get drunk and go play in foam with me?
a pansexual with facepaint started fucking a tall black girl on the bed i was sitting on so im going to mcdonalds
why is there blood on my car? and are we still friends?
woke up in the back seat of my car with a naked chick and my brother tapping on the window. yup, what a night
A boy just offered to come over and help me clean my house. I hope you are more successful than he will be tonight.
Decided to stop by the store on my walk of shame. I must really look like shit, a six year old girl just walked up to me and said "my mommy wanted me to tell you Jesus loves you." Thanks kid.
I got a hand job after work. Remember those? From the 90s...
Vagina status: the swelling is going down.
Randomize
