I may have been to starbucks and 2 classes with balls still written on my face...
she's not even a shacker, she never made it inside. she's just a porch girl
I gave her a mint afterward. It felt like giving turndown service at Hotel BJ.
Found her laying down in a booth in iHop. She's a keeper.
Apparently he always goes for the wrong girl so it should be easy for me to nail him.
I have a plus one for the Blackout Express, should I pen in your name?
Dude so coolest charity idea ever, think aids walk but instead of miles you drink beers oh the possibilities
I am significantly less than sober now. Gonna make like, ten hotdogs.
sometimes when you're high at work you just have to say fuck it and eat the dog treats
Come to the roof. We are drinking breakfast.
I just puked in my courtyard and dripped toothpaste in my chest hair. You better be getting laid or this drunk is wasted.
Sex followed by chicken and waffles... Hands down my favorite morning plans. Count me in.
Just met my French neighbor. We watched a crow die together, so we're pretty tight.
Go have sex with him right now! Drunk sex is the best sex.
I know but these gold fish are so much better
When you called me I said did you make it home. You said yeah. Then you said you didn't know where you were. I said you were at home and you said but where. I said you are in the bathroom. Then you said oh, you're so smart lol
Randomize
