Wow, your whole life is a joke regardless of the fact that its april fools day
Omg my grandpa just told me he wants to die in his 90's shot by a jealous husband
Iranian Rapper, camaroonian basketball player, mexican i forget and indian doctor....this one looks the best on paper.
So can we talk about how we all three made out with the bike taxi driver in lieu of paying him. I'm not even mad, that's resourceful. You know what married girls would have had to do? They'd have had to pay.
see these eyes, they just want to bone and go to sleep.
He counted every piece of macaroni in the box and then faceplanted into the bowl
Update- I sold my hat to some drunk kid for 50 bucks. I used my earnings to buy beer on the way home. I realize to everyone else seeing me drinking on my balcony at 6am, I look like an alcoholic, but I'm thinking of it as a night cap
Found out last night that "Everclear" is Spanish for "shit got weird"...
I'm drunk off vodka and I haven't eaten today. I've never felt more like Kirsten Cohen in my life.
You raged at the rock climbing place for not selling beer and then just said "fuck it" and pulled out a flask.
Handcuffs. Recoverd. I'm a goddamn detective.
Wandering around the streets of Baltimore at two in the afternoon. Just offered a job as a stripper. Think I should accept?
Try an internship first, see if you enjoy it.
I woke up with a pillow, shampoo and a plant in my fridge. Eggs in the toilet, and I was wearing three pairs of girls underwear. What happened last night
Have u seen my vagina and my gorilla costume? Im in need of it.
Rich men love me! I remind them of their trophy wife!!!
Randomize
