He looked me in the chest and said "I think I was visited by the titty fairy last night"
my ass hurt today after the party last night. I wnt to the doctors and they found a coin in a ziplock bag with a note from you. WHAT THE FUCK DID U DO TO ME???
It was all fun and games until Tim shit on the end table
He taught me how to drive a stick by using his dick. He even made the whurrrr noise so I knew when to change gears.
You are mentally unprepared to be exposed to my degree of perversion.
I'm so hungover I literally am considering drinking from the fishtank to avoid getting out of bed.
Sunday is the day of rest.
As in, whatever liquor is left after last night, you have to drink the rest.
At some point during thanksgiving the image of me pooping on ur moms chest will come to you. Your welcome!
She looks like a hot George Washington...I'm going for it
Like, yea, let's talk sexy but also...LOOK! I SAW A CAT!
Ugh. My life is a never ending cycle of bad decisions and taquitos.
It was all going good until I realized she was wearing underwear with a butt flap. Mission aborted.
I consider walking to the bars and dancing my exercise and I buy doubles so my drinks r heavier so that's my arm workout
fuck st louis. fuck their hockey. fuck their basball. fuck their football if they still got it. fuck their tiddlywinks teamm. fuck their ribs. fuck their entire city. what im trying to say is i dont like st louis
I love millennial parents. One of the moms at the daycare center literally told me she and her husband named two of her kids after batman characters and one after game of thrones
Randomize