I thought at least he would want to exchange numbers after he tried to put it in my bum
I fell asleep with crest white strips on and ate one...
Don't worry. I has chaperone.
her bf's celebrating 10 yrs of service at kfc...it's safe to say all the good men are taken
handjobs have no place on a baseball diamond
thanks for paying me in special brownies...but brownies dont pay the rent...anymore.
How was me telling you it's my mom's birthday a go-ahead to bang my sister???
It turns out tequila bombs is really code for straight shots of tequila…who would have guessed?
only thing in my fruit bowl is 4 champagne corks and a jenga piece . Tuesday.
Please come quick there are people in suits here judging me
This couch is so comfortable I can tell if it's like a waterbed or I pissed myself
Imagine the quality of nudes you could send with a selfie stick
He's a Republican and an Ohio State fan idk how far this can go.
I've made a new rule for socializing in the winter: if it doesn't involve me orgasming or getting drunk I can't make it
JB just got pulled over and I am in the trunk...... this isnt good
Randomize
