so the chest pain/shortness of breath/overdose guy we just took to tm hospital is now running down market street from the police in a gown holding his iv.
well there was some sort of sex marathon going on in my house last night..jess and i vs my parents...and im ashamed to say that we lost and my parents out-sexed us
just jacked off in the bed i was conceived in.
were you wearing a green and blue thong last night?
yes! wait why?
because i found it in my pocket this morning...
just got my tax refund and at bell. how do you say i want a grand worth of 5 layer burritos in spanish?
I'm heating up a hotdog using a candle.
I agree though, his intact virginity is truly the tragedy of the century.
Omg this is like trying to sleep on a pile of ballsacks.
We got hammered last night and I woke up this morning with texts from 'iron maiden chick.' wtf?
he's a fucking beast. people that don't even know him have started calling him "puke and raleigh"
woke up in the back seat of my car with a naked chick and my brother tapping on the window. yup, what a night
Three Decembers later, I'm looking at this fuckin Santa lingerie I bought and just realized my stocking never got stuffed....
All I did today was eat pizza and use my vibrator.
Its not something you can force it it just has to happen like a rainbow or pooping
I ended up sleeping with him in a public bathroom because neither of us remembered where we lived. I have hit a new low.
Randomize
