I woke up this morning and was hoping we drank enough last night to have a unicorn drawn on my wrist. Good News: We did.
Come in. Grab a controller and a beer. We've got some Madden to beat.
You're the best girlfriend ever.
why do all canadians talk like horny gerbils are stuck in their throats?
This exeeds the amount of high I planned on being.
Frozen pudding on a popsicle stick. Bill Cosby would be so proud of drunk me.
Drunk you assumed that me saying I thought squirrels were cute meant for you to trap one in my car by luring it in with ham. You're going to hell for this.
Remember when we saw my neighbor taking dick pics of himself? He's back at it!
At our floor meeting the RA was talking about bathroom hygiene and I really wanted to be like "what about shower sex."
Valid question
Dude, my sex life is so sad since I started having feelings.
Sleeping with just one person sucks
Tight. Want to get up, make coffee, sit on separate couches and silently read our mobile devices together?
Was it you that ate my bacon or do I have to rip my roommate's face off?
He broke his arm in a fistfight with the bouncer. it was neat.
So many people have told me I have great tits tonight, I'm unstoppable
Drunk in my hotel room, eating taco bell, and crying at Nicki Minaj's life story.
This is why I keep you in my life.
I woke up and there is a small Irish man playing call of duty in my room. Discuss.
Randomize