I just let someone steal something bc they were so fucking weird and wouldn't leave me alone
i just looked up and i was like omg ballsack and then i didnt know what to do
Thanks for not cleaning the drain like you were supposed to. I just vomited in the shower and I had to stand in it until I was done conditioning.
I swear after i took it all i did was scream for four hours
Then you started asking people on the drunk bus if they knew the word "gumption". if they didn't you told them they weren't taking advantage of their high education opportunities and you were disappointed in them.
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Do I have a choice?
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She is larger then a hippo. You could cut her open in the middle of a blizzard and crawl in like Luke skywalker. Throw a couch and a tv in there and you're set
Did you just reference Ludacris during my possible pregnancy scare of 2012?!
If you were awake I would probably ride my bike over, fuck you like a god, leave you in the wonders of life, and bike home
He just took a bite of each taco bell burrito and hid them throughout my apartment. this was 2 weeks ago and have found 30 burritos so far
That moment half way through a run when you realize you have to take a giant shit. I was racing against my bowels that last mile. Now my sweat is suctioning my ass to this toilet seat. Enjoy that NSA.
this is the first time in over a year I had a pregnancy scare and actually would have known who the father was. I guess this is what adulthood feels like.
I had to bail out of the tour de Franzia because I have class Saturday morning. Grad school is ruining my life
next time you go get food at three am and leave a rando here can you warn me??? Also i tazed him. but it was just my little one so i think he'll be fine. bring me some fries.
i still cant feel my toes or walk straight...its been 2 days.
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