she's like the human form of herpes, as soon as you think she's gone for good you have another out break.
Please dont use Danity Kane lyrics to describe your emotions.
The men handing out bibles on the quad are blatantly skipping me... am i that obvious
I am currently eating pure cake frosting...I am not sure how I was ever referred to as a responsible adult.
when the police officer said he was gonna take a picture of the car accident, you asked if you should pose on the hood
I am particularly sorry about getting dome in your backseat. And for thinking you wouldn't notice.
I just banged that chick from the bar by speaking french. all i had to do was recite my grocery list
Stumbled into class and into a desk. When I fell my bottle broke in my backpack. I had to leave there was vodka everywhere.
Don't feel bad sweetie, you're not the only classy one in town. I'm still driving around with that tupperware of tequila in my cup holder from last week's Margarita Monday.
Okay well we need to be adults. We're gonna end up with diabetes or some shit.
Masturbating to death wouldn't be a terrible way to go. If you die tonight, I'll know how it went down. Promise not to tell your family.
Of course the sales lady was judging you, you bought a pregnancy test, ky jelly, diet pills and a 6 pack of red bull. Even i'm judging you.
the cop said "drunk and disorderly" like it was a bad thing
You where banging on the wall asking us where we hid the door...you then crawled under the deck thinking you'd be safe. I told you to eat the nachos before the party...I told you.....
He ate me out while I was wearing a canada goose parka and a dress hand crafted by a seamstress from yellowknife. I came while watching the northern lights. Most arctic orgasm ever.
Randomize
