my boobs just fell out on the dance floor. my wedding is totally beating your wedding
I guess I just laid down next to him with the entire pot of mac n cheese and started giving him a handie with one hand and eating with the other
I had something called a trashcan. Never again. I almost fucked chewbacca.
the remote is under the fat chick passed out on the couch. Good luck .. and may god have mercy on your soul.
Due to certain anatomical proportions it was less like fucking and more like childbirth.
Wait, you seriously DON'T keep vodka in your backpack??!??!?
Dude it's huge. I don't usually like looking at those things, but you're kind of forced to stare that horse in the face.
I just hit on a guy in a doughnut store... is that too suggestive?
it's all fun and games til I text you in last nights clothes with a head bleed
Diet Starts Tomorrow! Guy from McDonalds asked if I got a new car...
GOOD MORNING. Have you seen the Avenger vibrators?
I jizzed in his mayonnaise and put it back in the fridge. Shouldn't have stolen my weed.
You took nana to a bar?!
she suggested it
Having to do the walk of shame on crutches was defiently a first for me. cheers to the governor, klove
That was the most spiritually awakened shit I have ever taken.
Randomize