Did you fuck her?
If by "fuck her" you mean "threw up on her shoes," then yes, I achieved that.
The ticket read "Found nude in a tree"
I'll listen to your side of the story when you stop being such a whore.
I just followed a trail of feathers and glitter to class. Today better be fucking magical.
My mind hurts. I feel like I drank sand yesterday.
To celebrate your birthday last night, I got drunk and sang drift away in buffalo wild wings. Happy birthday. The entire bar sang the chorus with me. It was magical.
Have the decency to NOT HANG YOU'RE USED CONDOM ON THE FOOSEBALL HANDLES! Dickhead.
I'm gonna give him birthday punches. On the dick. With my mouth.
I think it's safe to say I'm rolling my hypothetical balls off
Then. Omg he showed me A CARD TRICK AFTER WE CAME
I should have listened to my dad and mean girls... If you have sex you'll get pregnant and die.
Why the HOLY HELL is my dog on my roof??? Sam?? Why is the dog wearing my pants
So when did "Are you okay?" translate into "Don't tell me you got fucked by another rando after another rager"?
Sex in a tree, bucket list CHECK!
We all just got ice cream, condoms, and toilet paper now were gonna go home and watch movies as a family.
Condoms?
Randomize
