Even my Mr Clean Magic Eraser can't make last night disappear.
I just did the classiest thing ever.
last time you said that you got chlamydia.
Puked in a plastic neiman Marcus bag while driving. My biggest accomplishment yet
ill do whatever it takes for me to get more high and eat pie
I'm sure it was awkward. I've never had a professor expose parts of them to me before.
So howd u manage to get high at a one year olds birthday anyway?
It's like refusing a bong hit from michael phelps... You just can't do it
Last night was so embarrassing. I got like almost blackout drunk and threw up in my hand and then blamed it on someone else.
A guy with a mustache poured a beer down your throat while you had a crippled boy named Sunshine riding your back
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
Lol I'm not having group sex with you, that apron is fuckin awesome tho
Afterwards the first thing I said was, "You know, you're probably the first guy who has ever gotten laid wearing Star Wars pajama bottoms."
Just got caught by my boss looking at porn on the work computer & he decided to utilize this time to look with me. Not sure if this is good or bad.
I mean we all knew i was gonna get arrested eventually but shoplifting is lame so dont tell anyone. Well just let them assume public nudity or something
Upstairs definitely just had sex while I wrote you love poetry. That was a fun experience 🤷🏻♀️
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