its 4th on my favorites list. 1. butt sex 2. mini skirts 3. three meat pizza rolls 4. fuck the pain away by peaches
is it weird that i blow-dry my hair and poop at the same time?
not any weirder than you telling me this at 4 in the morning
I am in the hospital with a broken wrist because a guy told me that if I punched him it "wouldn't hurt." it hurt. me. Thank you 11 jello shots.
I just walked by that girl who tried to commit suicide over me in high school. That was weird.
I just heard someone say "gosh-darnit" and they didn't have a southern twang. I worry for New York.
no seriously, she's legit pissed i'm late to lunch because i was watching full house. there's obviously no future here.
They both invited me to family dinner Sunday. Secretly dating two sisters just got real.
Currently coming up with judgment, the game. Works well on buses, will probably be more entertaining in bars.
I love you, but you should know I'll always ditch you for weed.
And the horses in Central Park have blankets. And Rafiki just told me "it is time" in the back of our cab.
tell me there's a reason my bed smells like paint thinner
My cab driver just started a conversation with "Three years ago I pleaded guilty..." Check on me later tonight please.
IM GOING TO SIT ON YOUR FACE AND CHANT 'I BELIEVE THAT WE WILL WIN'
Stay positive! You think people like sad vaginas? NO! You'll get some!
He's coming over again? GIRL, you're thoroughly enjoying the month of Dicktember.
Randomize
