I just am on my way home.. i had 3 and one startd crying and puking.. so they went home. one bitch fuckin ruined it for evryone.. u playin cards?
if being creepy is wrong, then i don't want to be right
See this is why people shouldn't jump into marriage. See what type of drunk you're engaged to first.
It looks like someone bombed the living room with his and your clothes, bra, packing peanuts, nerf gun and ammo, rc helicopter, leftover chinese food and a leather paddle.
stop calling me dude. finger blasting me officially kills you being able to call me dude.
Get your ass over here, we're drinking Patron and watching My Little Pony. Patron and Ponies, do you copy?!
Good news. That bum you thought that died is alive.
If I shaved my pubic hair into a heart for valentine's day how much would you judge me?
The only rule I'm making for myself tonight is to not drink out of the sink at the bar.
Update: the condoms are expired and Canadians are NOT to be trusted!
Listen, I booty called my boss last night from the company phone. I may need to brush up my resume.
I wanna suck that fisherman's dick.
Dude. I’m playing chess through iMessage with a stripper. What has my life become.
Longest 30 seconds of my life
10/10 so not recommended
Pillow talk was a high five, this morning she made dinosaur muffins for the house. I love chapel hill
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