omg! a creepy truck driver just made a frog puppet wave at me!!!
I feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear.
Singing into hair straightener during spice girls....sooo dangerous
Dude, I just went to take a piss and looked at my ballsack... Underneath was labled "L" and "R"
when did my "fat clothes" just become my clothes...diet starts tomorrow
That's the last time you suggest we can get our tab wiped by out-drinking the bartender.
It was my card, so what do you care that you lost?
Is your card paying for my plan b?
Only you could walk of shame to a childrens pirate themed birthday party
There was probably a tattoo above her soulless vagina that read 'it's a trap!' Yet you ignored it
we had break-up sex in a port-a-potty. how do you think it went?!
I mean I feel like if you explain to the emoji app company that your friend got plastered and fell to the ground and is trying to scheme her way back to normal life and get her dignity back they would understand just how necessary it is to have a fingers crossed emoji...
I totally OverDed on K2 last night. I felt like I was made of lead and then I had a panic attack.
can i bring anything?
Any of the following: Sex doll, side dish, fruits/vegetables that look like dildos, beer
is there a theme i should know about?
Banged my ex-wife last night...so I belong to that club now.
Also, for real, though? Did we even have sex or were we just jumping on the bed drunk and naked...because with me that's actually a possibility.
We sat at the bar and made fun of everyone around us. I'm in love
Randomize
