it was the worst sex ever in the history of sex. i mean ever. and he thought he was great. actually told me he was the best id ever had...what was i supposed to say? lol...i've had better times by myself. seriously.
WTF. you left me with no condoms and you ate all my mac and cheese. scumbag.
Just found a hundred dollar bill on the ground. Hope you're looking to drink tonight
It was like fucking a house. Down the chimney. That deep and empty.
We're smoking a joint the size of the average penis right now. I may not survive.
dude he was laying on two half-naked chicks, as they rubbed him down with lotion, while rolling a joint. hes like a modern-day african king
Doing laundry, just found a knob off your stove in my pants pocket. I don't know.
I was puzzled last night that there were shots waiting for us when we got there. Just read my messages and saw you were ordering from the bar via texts.
I have a scary feeling my mom might switch her goals from finding me a husband in 2012 to sending me to rehab
WHY ARE YOU SMOKING WEED WHEN YOU JUST HAD A STROKE. AND MORE IMPORTANTLY WHY ARE YOU DOING IT WITHOUT ME.
He's currently surrounded by roughly 23 girls he fucked and never called. He may not make it out of here. Bar of doom? Or of redemption?
I dreamt of sea otters and your boobs. My two favorite things.
HES DOING PULLUPS BE STILL MY BEATING HEART
He suffocated between her tits, but she didn't notice because he still came.
I never thought I would encounter a situation that was "Too Gay" for me...and yet there I was.
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