My mom's crying. That means it must be Christmas.
He is the Donovan McNabb of stuff up his ass. Tell me that tomorrow. Too high to remember.
In case you were wondering, it hurts when the bouncer throws your phone at you after kicking you out of the strip club for taking pictures.
After your mom took her 12th and fatal tequila shot she proceeded to fall head first into the bonfire... Guess I don't have to fear getting old after all
If i ever have a kid with an outie i'm giving it up for adoption
You know those creepy dolls that look like they are watching you from anywhere in the room? It was like that, but with his penis...
Life for us students isn't all fun and drunken lesbian affairs you know
Hot Italian guy literally came into my logic class just to get my number to study with me and left. America.
And now we should drink to that moment where you realize you didn't exactly think things through.
Basically, I'm sure one day I'll look back on this part of my life and be ashamed....
I'm making poor life decisions again. Tune in tomorrow to see how much I hate life.
Mike passed out early so we kept filling his mouth with redi-whip and letting the dog lick it out, but he started getting hives so we stopped.
You know it was a good dinner party when one of the guests broke their finger and no one can remember how it happened.
Sorry my phone died. Obviously four o'clock in the morning is a good time to tell you this.
You know its awkward when your mom walks in on you and your boyfriend yelling surprise....I was scared into an orgasm
Randomize
