Hey I found a place that'll do a hand job for 42 bucks
dude i just figured out that the tostitos sign is two people eating chips and salsa. being high totally pays off sometimes
We haven't even started dating yet but I already decided I'm going to cheat on her
2 classes, 3 finals, and $30 worth of adderall until this semester is over.
You're going to the beach with me so we can have beach sex whether you like it or not. Get over it. Kthx.
Man in California was arrested for killing and eating a wild bobcat while high on crystal meth. Let's please NEVER get that high on anything...
Listen up tinkerbell, You're gonna come to the bar, hit on some fat chicks, and step up when I punch someone in the face.
You showed up to your dad's bday dinner late, dirty, and hungover then proceeded to yell at the bartender for trying to take advantage of you by putting extra bourbon in your drink... Highly doubt you win best daughter award.
You carried me up the stairs after I told you not to. And what did you tell me? "Let me test my strengths."
You asked the waitress what the corking fee would be on the Joose you smuggled into the restaurant.
I guess? According to Jeff his mom is wondering when the grand babies will arrive. So I don't think they like ME so much as my supposed functioning uterus
Meh, all I have to do tomorrow is proctor an AP test. No loud noises and no physical activity allowed for almost 4 hours. Sounds like the perfect recovery period for a hangover.
Apparently this establishment won't let you rent a sailboat if you have been drinking rum all morning
Like, bro, how do you think I got the idea to go sailing
When I go to hand him the blunt and he's eating a cookie and responds with "let me hit this cookie"
You have thirteen minutes to get here if you want to get back together. Otherwise I'm getting digits from the waitress.
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