I gave my ex the dutch oven last night. How was your night?
do you ever lay in the bath and watch the blood hit the water?
EWW. Don't discuss your period with me. You can go shave your back now.
after the cops left he pulled the weed out of his ass and we smoked it
the snow is so cold on my vagina.
why do you have snow on your vagina?
vodka and heels.
How long is it safe to eat only Hot Pockets and Popsicles?
She threw up in the hot tub how's your night
Thanks for not stopping me when I decided to call my mom at 2 in the morning to ask her where I was born
The polish Muslims are throwin paczkis into the crowd and I'm beer 6 before 11 am
I just want to make mistakes. Like stds that go away with antibiotics mistakes.
And then I passed out in my towel and was woken up by my roommate introducing me to her trick for the night.
at one point he couldn't find his underwear so he put on my catsuit to go to the bathroom
She is wasted and this random lady got her to suckle milk from her tit
We can't shop at Hobby Lobby anymore. They don't like Plan B which basically runs through our veins.
My roommate is fucking his gf in the shower and i really have to pee do i just bust in or pee on his bed
I woke up with my my shoes on and pants half way off and missing 60 dollars. Please please please tell me you saw me last night.
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