She opened a beer bottle with her armpit and then gave me a cigarette from the waistband of her underwear. I dont know if I want to be her or marry her.
All I heard was "I swear it'll be funny" and then we were in jail.
Just gave some kid head in the library. Perfect way to end the semester.
I woke up naked, with the lights on, using my backpack as a pillow and a pillow as a blanket.
Doing lines off a plate that says, "things go better with coke."
Boys that pee in my bed don't get happy birthday wallposts on facebook
I gave you a piece of bread to sober you up. You wiped your face off with it and then gave it back to me.
I feel like the way you told me you weren't pregnant was pretty anticlimactic.
You're like the Mr. T of my A-team, only less gold jewelry and more pitying of fools.
That's the nicest thing anyone has said to me all day.
I snorted xanax while wearing reindeer antlers. Prancer gone wild. Have a merry Christmas.
There is a severe lack of banging on that itinerary... I'd like a revision on my desk within the hour
If we try hard enough and believe in ourselves, we can still make it to Wendy's before they close
I made my uber driver take a pit stop between clubs so we could restock on Xanax. #priorities
*6am blends another margarita* *615am blends straight tequila*
is it bad that im laying on a beach towel in my room with my lights on high pretending to be tanning on the beach in the summer?
Randomize
