so just incase you wake up on the couch wondering how you got there--you came home at 7am, put ice in a cup--then you proceeded to put the cup in the microwave and melt it because you "wanted water". you then, fell down the stairs while saying "you don't know me" then crawled to the couch.
im holly from the hills drunk
i was concerned for your health after you took your "last shot" four times...
i cant talk right now. we are trying to finish our homework so we can play with play-doh
Just transferred the sun chips from that obnoxious Eco-friendly bag into a zip lock. Fuck the environment, that bag is loud.
We're doing kegstands for my 80th Bday, so don't lose that muscle tone.
I literally just wiped coffee off of the corner of my mouth with my boob because my hands were full. Thought youd be proud. Good morning!
I have 4 passes to the spa here, walking around with a robe on and putting cucumber slices on my penis. You guys should come hang out here. It's very relaxing
No more stories ab the wkend for co-workers... No one else found "and I didn't have pants on when I got home Saturday night" as funny as I did.
HE GAVE ME ONE OF HIS BEERS.
YOU'RE THE CHOSEN ONE.
Come to Des Moines on Saturday, handcuff yourself to me and drink a bottle of vodka
I just watched two grown men tickle-fight. Just glorious. No words.
Who's the captain of your team? Captain Morgan as usual?
And me
I'm not real sure what dinosaurs sound like, but dude, she made dinosaur noises.
you stood in front of the mirror for 20 minutes and finally said, "he can hear everything i'm saying inside my head. we need to leave." now try and tell me there is no such thing as too high.
Randomize
