sounds like you fell off the wagon.
fuck falling off. at this point, the wagon is a dot on the horizon.
I think I've given more of my business cards to Chipotle trying to win free burritos than anyone else
this kid just offered me adderall in exchange for my meal points. college at its finest
Sitting in a bubble bath with my bong, how's your morning?
he asked me for a gerbil feeder full of alcohol
That reminds me of that one time you handcuffed me to a table leg while I was reaching for the vodka.
I'm lying here drinking water from a shot glass..moving is not an option right now
Sometimes I'm jealous of turtles because they can just go to their homes whenever they want by putting their heads in their bodies.
How high are you?
i think i just asked a donut if it was ok
i don't know man... i just want to listen to John Lennon every time i finish fucking her. is this love?
I wore a shirt that says "more tequila" to my bday party last year and that's why I want to be my own friend
I had to hose off vomit off my driveway at 9 am.....so hot
Also send boobie pics with bobs burgers in background its the only way to get me off anymore
He does have a nice smile. I also like to think he has a nice penis, but that's just a prediction.
you don't understand it took me an hour and a half to escape that bed, I had to memorize his sleeping patterns.
Randomize
