A girl just asked me to co-sign for her boob job because she didn't have enough credit built up. This is a first.
i love being in ibiza. their hotels are much more receptive to walking around naked in the lobby than our american ones.
eating kraft dinner with my face. no forks.
she always winds up in the cupboards its nothing new.
I think he's in need of mouth to penis resuscitation. Which I happen to be certified
Makers Mark. Chicken nuggets in a blender. Smart
Exact words that were just spoken as she was on her 6th, yes 6th piece of bread: "I'm only eating the soft and chewy inside of the bread-I am taking the crust home to feed my turtles"
Also he wants to know a casual, consise way to ask a girl in a bar if he could eat her out. Think on that.
With a breakfast like weed and a fun size twix before a dentist appointment you can see exactly how I handle being an adult
I feel like the universe head butted me in my balls. That hungover.
.... My lady balls. Cuz I'm a lady.
Then I'll go home and you two can do whatever two same sex heterosexual soul mates do
i projectile vomited shoeless at 7:30 a.m. in a taco bell parking lot. never again.
A guy was over-the-skirt fingering me on the dance floor and I stopped him to sensually rap in his ear. So that was my Halloweekend
so you can go out and drink with me then fuck me, or you can come over when i get home and fuck me, or you can come over before and fuck me, or you can come over before and after and fuck me... so many fucking options
Just cuz u chase vodka with sweet tea doesn't make it sweet tea vodka
Randomize
