The girl I brought home was really impressed with the pile of blow you were doing while watching "Intervention."
just taught 3 girls from korea how to fist pump on chat roulette.
i'm at the st pattys day thing. the bar is packed. they just put on celine dion its all coming back to me now. i'm screaming the words.
it's 1 pm.
According to the transitive property, he has now had dick in his mouth.
you're the only person I know who would bring a water bottle of screwdriver to a wedding, and toast with it during the speech
For my job application I just put "community gardener- personal business" for my previous work experience in place of the neighborhood pot grower/distributor
I started sorting laundry at 6 am. He finally got the hint and left
She's got a butler. A fucking butler. Shes like batman, but with a better ass.
DUDE FUCK CALL ME SHE HAS GRANDKIDS
So the girl I met at the bar last night came home with me. Played with my puppy. And left.
woke up on my floor using my jeans i wore out as a pillow
haha i wouldn't expect any less of you
Watching Colbert Report and porn at the same time.
Forget about letting a 70-year-old man suck on my tits for coke... telling my new boyfriend about it was the poor life choice.
I am 11 times too hungover to give the eulogy
Do you ever look at your life and go "i'm too sober for this bullshit"?
Every day of my life.
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