Seeya bye Latvian government! Whammy!
I cheated on you last night. I slept with my laptop.
So when jo picked me up from the bar I kept apologizing and kept telling her "I'm just a wittle donut"
I'm sorry that you just had your first misguided homo experience
i was watching some porn this morning and i realized i am blessed with a truly beautiful vagina
You just kept saying over and over "Tell me I won't do it." Someone finally told you you won't. You did. Welcome to herpes.
My financial advisor pointed out that 37% of my income is currently going towards "non-essential food items"
That's banker lingo for "you're an alcoholic"
she said and I quote "NO SOUP FOR YOU!!!" and closed her legs.
slowly transforming into a stationary lump of steel. how can you tell me that was JUST weed
Just had that moment when you realize the two drunk women shoving all their money down your clothes were your middle school teachers...
We waved. But it was a "let's hook up" wave.
I DON'T WANT TO DEMONSTRATE MY DICK TAKING ABILITIES WITH MY MOM THERE.
I found it. now I'm going to the gym to be "healthy" or whatever that folklore is called.
Could someone explain to me why there were 40 individually wrapped burritos in the fridge when I woke up this morning?
answer honestly do you think i can make a bloody mary with ketchup????
Randomize
