My stomach is making the worst sounds, probably because there is nothing but semen in it.
she quoted hannah montana in her facebook status. i will never be speaking to her in person again.
I never once brought up his unibrow when he was insulting me. That's class.
He is going to sleep with me. That's all there is to it. I'm 4 for 4 right now. I'm not making it 4 for 5.
Just calculated that for my last final tomorrow I need 120% to improve my grade and 53% to keep it..buying 30 packs now, go get dressed
When you wake up in your dorm right outside your room with the key in the door, then you will understand my pain.
I just finished deleting miscellaneous contacts from my phone ... time for a HIV test!
I want to die. Marc and I were making out in the hallway and fell into a fire hose in a glass case. It shattered everywhere. Everyone thought we fell out a window. I think I have glass in my back. Awesome.
I can't wait till we are old and wrinkly and I can turn to you and ask, "Remember when you Rick Jamesed the shit out of that couch??"
I found my spirit animal in the shower. It's a sloth/bear that lives in my chest.
In my defense, who let the drunk girl run around with a sack of broken glass unsupervise?
Figured out how to triple bathroom speed at #lollapalooza.. Girl squats, guy 1 goes between her, guy 2 uses urinal. Your welcome.
You're a problem for me, dick game too good. In the future when I'm with someone I actually wanna to date, now I'm gonna compare.
I think a major source of concern would be the fact you snorted a shot. Who does that?
Your vagina must be outstanding or have a secret entrance to Narnia if someone is will to fly from Texas for one night of it.
Randomize
