She seriously needs to find another hobby other than bouncing on cock.
you kept telling everyone that you were the mayor of silverware town
Apparently on the way out of the ER i asked the nurse to doggie-bag me some more morphine.
my mom is pro-life. I dare you to fuck me.
he turned the pretty ricky playlist on. its about to go down.
You know, last years football game was epic, but seeing the same girl that gave you a bj in the parking lot, in the same parking spot...that's fate.
I HAVE A PIGEON IN MY JACKET.
The gay is strong with you! You're more concerned about my outfit than my safety.
I'm so incredibly high right now the fact I am texting is nothing short of miraculous. Call the Pope. Hell make me Saint Roy, patron of stoners.
My sister just showed me a snap chat that I don't remember sending, it was a picture of me with two big macs in my bra with just the words "BURGER TITS"
Obviously last night's theme was "Let's Make Bad Life Choices"
Dude we need to hang out soon. I'm in the mood to get arrested again.
He hand fed me trail mix then I watched the video of me the next morning. He was actually feeding me meow mix.....that drunk. I still have no regrets marrying him
Im bringing my light up rubber ducky just in case we end up at a rave tonight. HE CHANGES COLOR!
A total of 3 guys left my apartment this morning. That was my first clue to my black out endeavors last night. Gotta love wine Wednesdays.
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