Dude, don't freak out but the girl who stuck the hair brush in her ass is here. I can't look her in the eye!!
I thought she had blonde hair
No, Gonorrhea actually
He looks like the kind of guy that would jack off to weird things.
she stopped traffic so I could crutch across the street. Clubbing while crippled and drunk is different.
Im calling you paparazzi cause of all the dick pics you take of your one night stands ps loved the panoramic one!
My vagina loves me do-dah do-dah my vagina loves me do-dah do-dah
I picture you throwing your vagina around in the same fashion that they pass out candy at a parade.
All you had to say was "damn dude that looks fun, I miss ice fishing." But you sent a picture of poop. Classy
im trying to look as sober as possible but i just poured orange juice and mayo into my milkshake.
I have a high opinion of you, you smash bitches. Respect.
When I say "is it a bad idea to do Mollie before an 8hr shift tomorrow?" I dont want to hear the truth I want to hear you encouraging my bad decisions
I only want to come over for sex and blueberry pancakes
You came in last night, ate an entire avocado in silence, and then told me I should never accept rides from strangers. Not sure I even want to know what happened to you last night!
He doesn't like Sabbath and that alone is a GIANT red flag. Learn from my experiences and never, I mean NEVER associate with people that hate Black Sabbath and Motörhead.
She said "Im going to hug you" tried to give me a hickey then said her life sucks and started to cry.
you going clubbing tonight?
well its tuesday isnt it
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