I saw her while sober, and she is definately cut off from the penis ride
I wish i knew how bad drinking and hieghts were before i got up here
i decided i am going on the Justin Bobby plan for success. Don't cut my hair for a year, don't shave for a month, land Audrina Patridge. Game on.
i was taking a dump when this random girl ran in, puked all over my lap, then passed out on the floor
did you bang her?
seriously?
I feel like my teeth are sweating.
He was drinking a long island through his Breathalyzer tube.
whiskey
stop
tequila
you're fuckin up my ability to be a agrown up
I went to the bathroom, came back, and my friend was sleeping leaning up against the stripper pole.
I told him if he wanted to lose weight he had to learn self control. Less than ten minutes after that I ate a cookie off the floor...
That man deserves a slow clap... He defied the power of the vagina
I just put bronzer on my abs to snapchat nudes. If that's not going hard I don't know what is
I just had a sex dream about orange juice, so there's that.
Can we just agree for a moment that semen in your sinuses is the fucking worst?
the guy in front of me in walmart is buying a blowtorch, potato chips, and condoms. I'm curious and horrified at the same time.
First dip in a brand new jar of Nutella, and my man’s dick are two things I will not fucking share.
Randomize
