I seriously can't date anymore I forgot how to hide my crazy
Would you let Jessica Biel poop in front of you to see her naked...but you have to wipe her too?
she wants me to meet her parents and she hasn't even met my penis yet.
He doesn't like you, he likes u not having a gag relfex
do you ever get flashbacks of ppl you had sex with and just shudder at how gross they were/how drunk you were?
story of my life.
ive got a scarf tied around my face holding bags of hashbrowns to it, im too boss to care
Just crossed the line from casual pregrame to public intoxication. Shotgunning in a bus shelter.
Just wanna let u know that we are almost on the pity blow job level of our friendship.
There's always time for handjobs
I feel the need to send all my exes pictures of penises larger than theirs. Because they all must suffer.
You tried to sit down... There was a distinct lack of couch.
She got tired so now we're making anyone who has a stupid idea go into her bedroom so she can sleepslur "good idea" or "baaaad idea." We're calling her the queen of the misguided.
I can't decide if this outfit makes me look like a pirate. I also can't decide if I care if it does.
Just remember that no one else gets to suck his dick but you, feel honored. It's like the Olympic torch of life is being passed off to you and it's your time to run
Vagina status: the swelling is going down.
Randomize
