I called him Han Solo during sex, he looked at me like he was mortified then I realized he came.
you made your cat watch a peta video with you, so you could show it how just how good its life is
just woke up in a hotel room.. realizing its the hotel i work at.. lets see how this walk of shame turns out
The guy who took my order at mcdonalds asked for my number. I think we should start fucking fast food employees, they're easy and think we're goddesses.
As shirtless as possible
She basically needs a man who will never act up and take all of her shit
I'm even having trouble finding a guy who's taller than me with no unibrow.. someone needs to tell her its time to lower her standards
I was like wtf you can warn a girl like hey I have a huge dick and I fuck for hours
Someone google feeding your vagina Advil and Neosporin
I told my therapist about the other night and he actually whistled and said "wow that is not good."
Tony's mom to him at breakfast: "I found the shirt you wore last night in the bushes this morning."
Just hooked up my fuck buddy with a job working for my dad...this can only end bad.
You lost me at unexpected butt stuff. Everything else I would probably do.
I'm in Florida in a retirement community the fuck am I supposed to do but watch tv and disgrace Jesus
He took my Spanx off and still fucked me twice. I call that success.
I walked in on a circlejerk after punching that guy out. Instant karma.
High school drama coach is wasted and wanted me to tell you that I’m good at flip cup and you should be very proud of me
Where the hell are you
Randomize
