I feel like I've been hit by a train. I woke up this morning covered in wine, free condoms, and a sign language dictionary.
If you don't sleep with him after showing him your thong with the bow, I am no longer on your side.
So they discontinued the hummer... Now people will have to go door to door to let others know they're assholes
Just saw a porn entitled "Nad Biter". Redheads are now forever out of the picture.
In the middle of having sex with me, she reminded me that I was supposed to call my mom that morning. My penis has never retracted so quickly.
Snorting lines of xanex off the back of my grandparents toilet before church. Thinking of u.
If it looks really sketchy and smells like burnt pizza and pot you're in the right place
I am incapable of maintaining a guy's interest in me. It's like erectile dysfunction but with feelings
He fell on top of me at a party. I slept with him a week later. We've been fucking for 2 moths. Most successful relationship ever.
My New Years Resolution is to get everyone to start talking like a 40 year old douchebag. From now on, you will only refer to me as Chief.
who was i chillin with last night? i woke up in a storage unit
Every little girl dreams of the day when she picks up her fuck buddy because he's drunk at the gay bar again.
You came in, yelled 'i am from the future' then puked all over the floor
Watching porn.....Adele is playing in the background...so many emotions right now...so many.
I apparently ooze single. The second I left his house after break up sex five of my old booty calls text me
Randomize
