This is one of those times where I really wish my vagina could tell me what happened last night.
I just realised I've never been sober in my apartment
you don't know true fear until you are a convinced that velociraptors are trying to kill you through your roof.
I said we should get a taxi and you were waving down cars, three of which were cops and one of them slowed down and shook his head then kept driving
He didn't think we needed a taxi
We shot off some fireworks at 12 and then I orchestrated the group singing of god bless the USA all while wearing a don't tread on me flag as a cape. I repped hard.
Drinking vodka straight from my water bottle because of the debate. I just need to forget.
Real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch buck Rodgers in Tuesday.
Jesus Christ you're perfect.
I no longer exist. I have transformed into a puddle of sex.
Depending on which video of him streaking you watch, you can see me passed out in the front row.
WHAT KIND OF GUY JACKS OFF TO A PICTURE OF A BUTT WHAT IS THIS THE 1980s
Did you clean his pubes up off the table yet?
Dude. I've been high for so many hours now that I'm just accepting this as my new reality.
we fucked in the backseat of my car at the observatory, right under the stars. it was a starry, orgasmic filled night
Been smoking since 4. The inevitable finally happened: I bought a cheesecake.
I definitely almost just pulled a condom out of my purse instead of money for my dad.
Randomize
