i can now get sex on a playground off my list of things to do in life.
Someone just asked me to go to the dining hall for dinner and he will use one of his swipes to pay for my meal. i think this is a college version of a date
not allowed to tweet this cos she's following me but i definitely just got head in a stairwell of the university of chicago. wanted you all to know.
We had sex on a ferris wheel in canada, our relationship will never be the same
Dont even try and act like it wasn't you who made the sex tape of my dogs.
Good, she had spurs on her boots. That is a sign for instant herp attack.
Is it bad to get into the ocean at night? i always thought sharks hated the smell of vomit after drinking
i understand you have values and thats awesome, all i want to help you do is forget about them breifly
It was fun, but I mean, any day that starts with shower tequila is bound to be good.
We bought a hamster while completely stoned and 2 hours later returned it because your mother wouldnt let you bring it in her house. You cried. a lot.
There was probably a tattoo above her soulless vagina that read 'it's a trap!' Yet you ignored it
Adulthood is punching a guy in the face when you find out he's trying to fuck you and he's married instead of fucking him regardless and believing anything he says
I've had my dick out in public way too much for someone my age...
I mean I've only met the girl once and she was trying to slit some guys tires.
I just fucked her boyfriend. Happy birthday, bitch.
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