Oh just a soda. I'm "driving"
Its officially tradition: I black out every year on michael jackson's death day..
apparently i found nail polish and started playing a game i made up called "paint a nail, do a shot"
Frats are adorable. They make mediocre guys think they're worth a shit.
...the American dream.
I might have been fine if i had magic teleportation powers and could have skipped the car ride between bar and home
Ran out of plates, so I'm using my sociology notes. Looks like they will finally have a practical use.
Then he started caressing my eye brow. Like repetedly. For at least 15 minutes. It was strangely mesmerizing
No he's great. He's trying to do "sexy stuff" for me now, which is pretty hilarious. He stirred my daiquiri with his penis last night. He also tied a bouquet of flowers around it.
just got caught singing "pop that pussy" by a very old man at work. *face palm*
i think i just asked a donut if it was ok
Cleaning my room at 2am, in just one corner I found six beers, half a pint of whiskey, my flask, 2 shotgun bullets, my crown and shimmer lotion.
Its okay I found my bra. ...it was on your cat. I wont ask questions.
I don't have a cat..?
I told my mom Jesus would want me to snort drugs on his birthday
The party bus is stocked with 5 hour energies and beer and someone handing out adderall. Best. Wedding. Ever.
Every dick I’ve had or wanted in the last year is married. It’s like I became a professional home wrecker after I graduated.
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