you fell asleep during kickboxing this morning
how does that even happen??
forecast for tonight is alcohol, low standards and poor decisions.
This girl in the gym has an amazing body...too bad there's no workout routine for a face.
I was talking to some girls while you were falling off your bar stool into the person next to you.
She was either really drunk or really not interested. Everytime I tried to ask her about herself she would respond with a line from Stepbrothers.
theres a turtle on the table. helping me eat my ramon noodles.
Want to get together for a boner voyage before you leave?
Hi Jessica this is Jessica and I am texting you and were taking lime shots and it's fantastic and I broke your elbow and I love you xo
You'll get a boner for sure
Way ahead of you. Kinda awkward while paying rent but hey
I'm on a treadmill at the gym ordering pizza on my phone so it'll get to my house around the time I get home. I NEED HELP. Or I'm a genius. I haven't decided.
I put the area codes from ludacris' "area codes" into our expensive data visualization software at work, it's been a productive day
is 250 jello shots considered an open container?
Few clarical questions about last night: 1. How did we get home? 2. Am I wearing your underwear? 3. Where is Andrea? 4. Guy with nose ring last night hot?
1. You tried hitch hiking "like a pro" and flashed cars while sticking out your thumb until I called Michael. 2. I don't know but probably. 3. Who is Andrea? 4. Hot.
Fuck twitter. Fuck men. Fuck bras. Fuck flip flops. Fuck makeup. Fuck perfume.
You know that we wouldn’t even be talking about all this if you would have kept your candy consumption judgement comments to yourself.
Randomize
