And I just remember seeing him for the first time and being like, who is this ape of a man? Like legit he could be the missing link
She's the only one so far who hasn't laughed at me naked.... I'm gonna marry her.
not to mention it took an hour of antique roadshow to calm my dick down
I knew it was different as soon as you told me you slept with him and didn't tell me about his dick
one of the service guys here said i licked ranch off your face lastnight
I don't really know I'm just giving her a key to get back in and the "don't get pregnant speech" and leaving it at that.
For when you/if you wake up tomorrow.. You broke 4 of the bar's glasses tonight and I am currently watching you as you ride the broom around the bar instead of cleaning up your mess. I am no longer able to come up with excuses for you.
i'm half naked talking to a cat. you don't have to justify your life to me.
Also I spent like 2 hours on the hubble/nasa website sunday night looking at pictures of outer space and cried my face off at how beautiful and complex it is. What's wrong with me?!
How the hell do you leave a party with a kitten? It's missing and everyone knows it was you.
I do wanna see you. And we can just lay here and watch a movie and listen to me cry.
No, absolutely not. If you see that cunt, throw confetti or eggs at her.
That's a pretty extreme jump from confetti to eggs
I wasn't a groupie because I didn't carry his guitar home
Oooo yea. You face planted on my bed but only half your body made it so you noodled onto the floor but kept saying prepare to be murdered which is when you started taking your pants off but stopped at your ankles cause it was too hard
are you drinking tonight?
I have an exam tomorrow
so yes.
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