is it wrong that I prefer my women with low self esteem and a smidgen of an eating disorder?
so i decided not to tell her that her fiance is cheating since i already bought the bridesmaid dess
Shit sorry. Maybe I wont give you this sweet ass fanny pack I found in my parents attic
i spelled "betch" that way on purpose, don't question my abilities as a drunk texter
you passed out on the bathroom floor with the door locked. we had to break in and no one was sober enough to move you so they just threw a towel on you and stepped over you
We stole a cat. That is all you need to know.
Are we responsible for the snowmen doing it doggy-style in my front yard?
All I remember is mattress sliding down the stairs while giving him a blow-job. Sorry you had to witness the incident.
Dude i swear to christ if he sends me one more pic of a "magnificent dump" im changing my number
Please show REO speedwagon ur boobs for me.
Yes she was blowing me but I couldnt see her face. The only light was from the sparklers she asked me to hold. I love 4th of July.
So my Mom pointed out my vibrator on the night stand next to my stun gun and reminded me of how much I drink.
Strip club or gay bar tonight?
I am an emotionally compromised bisexual.
I'm going to become fluent in fucking Belgian boys
I'm not a morning person, and, trust me, no matter how good your cock may be, it will not turn me into one.
Randomize
