i opened her purse and found 4 bottles of vodka tampons and an unopened box of birth control...
Your ass just called me, someone was yelling "awful waffle" and also, " I don't know who's hands are who's anymore"
i like him when i'm sober AND when i'm drunk.i've been searching for this my whole life
Whatever. It was high school. Back then I'd blow anyone who had enough room between their chest and their steering wheel for my head to fit.
This is going to be another afternoon spent getting drunk in the shower, isn't it?
What time did you start drinking?
Maybe.
Maybe isn't a time...
You crawled everywhere and rolled in ice cream. No more vodka for a month.
My mom just called me to tell me that i dont have chlamydia. Awkward.
Where the royal fuck are you??
The depths of vodka hell.
This body was not built to go to the gym. It was built to chain smoke cigarettes and shoot whiskey
Also, sex on a first date is no, right? Really, I just don't want to clean my apartment, but I'm trying to hide behind "morals" in an effort to appear less lazy.
Oh and someone pissed in my shoes, so I'll let you figure that out.
I feel like he has a double life, why was he walking around at 3 am with a backpack?
we went book shopping, so yes this relationship is going to be about more than sex
Do you just want me to shit in a Jack-o-latern
Randomize
