420 ftw
why cant girls ever use the fly? why do they always have to awkwardly try to pull it over your belt?
i woke up to see him pissing on your n64. thats like killing a unicorn. punishable by death for sure.
Also there's a dick sized hole in my tights...should I be worried?
They make twin pack pregnancy tests for girls like us
I was busy. But now I'm about to consume alcohol and chicken. We shall see where this takes us. Maybe to the moon, maybe to the floor. I have no idea.
There is a dude in a thong with a Nerf axe having battles in the street. Welcome to Portland
conclusion from last night: i should wear boob glitter more often
I felt like I should've driven him home but I was holding in a fart and just needed him to leave
She was riding me and giving me score updates to the basketball game at the same time..... Shes a keeper
It's Friday you fucking nerd of course I'm drunk.
So congratulations, your penis has now sent me to urgent care not once, but twice!
Today, this cop risk his life to save me from a sink hole but all I could do is laugh, I was so stoned
So drinking that old rum that I found in the ceiling of my dorm was prob not my best idea. But good news: my puke was so colorful b/c of all the skittles i ate
I tried making my own red bull with crushed up caffeine pills, bubbley water and flintstones chewable vitamins. The ER doctor sead I'm lucky to be alive.
Randomize
