I got three cases. When they asked for id I said it was suspended for drunk driving.
All the good ones are taken. All that's left is the Harry Potter geek or the asshole in the corner. I think I'll settle for Harry Potter.
today he pulled me aside to show me a lawn mower that he drew above his pubes. I saw his pubes in all their glory. Right there. In spanish class. Hola.
I just kept screaming "I'm fucking a preacher's son!" Also, this water tastes like weed.
Some guy just showed up at my door to return my bikini top. EXPLAIN NOW
Saxophones in my mind. I swear someone dosed me.
Check having sex on the rocks and dirt on the peak of saddleback mountain off my list.
I felt like a god.
Rainbow fish was a wild success, got wasted at 6 gave away most my scales and made out with max from where the wild things are.You'd be so proud
I knew full well that at some point during the night my penis would be out with this costume choice
I am a figure skater. You should know better than to let me get drunk near any patches of ice during Olympics season.
You drunkenly promised dick pics on your way out the door and then never delivered. I don't know how I'll ever be able to trust you again.
I got unbelievably drunk yesterday, need some time off. Apparently pulling your balls out to make your buddy's girlfriend miss beerpong shots is frowned upon.
It's a good thing you're straight. You'd make a horrible lesbian.
her fuck buddy was butt ass naked in our kitchen making waffles but they tasted so bomb
You just kept mumbling about the carpet being covered in stains that looked like the face of God. Until you decided that they were closer in relation to Dumbledore.
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