I woke up in my girlfriends bed with another guy laying next to me. wtf.
It's one of the many facets of my drunken alter egos. I'm like substance abuse batman.
Find out what day classes start and I will come down to Richmond that weekend. Any broad who claims to be 18-21 will be promptly ID'd. My job has trained me to spot a fake from a mile away, and I don't need a statutory rape charge.
Dude, please wake him up, there are pills all over the floor and hes the only one who knows which ones to take simultaneously.
I can only take thier stupid "I think beauty school is for me" routine so long until I have to bitch slap them with some knowledge
I'm pretty sure the bus driver knew how hung over I was and hit all the pot holes on purpose. I threw up into my water bottle.
You know my ex in high school who cheated on me and dumped me right before prom? A decade later, I just saw her again...working at an Arby's. it was a good day...
He was twisted. Literally. It's like God took his dick with a pair of pliers and gave it a half twist to the left.
He got me a cake that said " Congratulations on the dick "
I need someone to play with my boobs. Even platonically. I just need a good groping
he was making out with her against the stove and started a fire--the thirst literally almost burned the place down!!
All she said to me before going to get another shot was "Damn, I'd eat her out."
So let me get this straight I was getting drunk with our science teacher from high school and you got drunk with an 82 year old woman who invited you back to her house and made you sandwiches.
Yes.
I woke up to an email from expedia confirming my flight to hong kong
My drunk is wearing off and im starting to feel like this dolphin tattoo was a bad idea.
Randomize