its 9am. i just got home. spent 6 hours blowing him in a closet last night
Sometimes i look at the biltmore estate and wonder just how small George Vanderbilt's penis was...
The savings from $3 shots still doesn't add up to plan-b
WHY AM I ALWAYS DEFEATED BY THE LATIN COCK?!?!
When I get home we should play "let's see how many Christmas movies we can watch before we start having sex."
google maps should a have a setting for this. like I AM ABANDONING EVERYTHING TO MEET A GIRL WHO IS 10 HOURS OF MILES AWAY. HOW DO WE DO THIS OPTIMALLY?
After my date left I rallied and took the Asian girl home. Flexibility my friend.
Figured out how I got so much alcohol in my hair: tried to drink my drink using my cleavage as a cup holder. Missed my drink hole and got it all in my hair
YES please come visit. Lets go get belligerent. I won't even pepperspray you
Aside from having sex with a rando in a toga on george's couch i think taking plan b in the library is the most hashtag college thing i've ever done
Dressing as mugato from zoolander Halloween you may want to be the hand model. We can get you a fish bowl filled with Clementine Vodka and soda you can put your hand in.
Like I'm getting finger banged and my family is making cookies in the kitchen. Talk about terrifying
This is the beginning of the end. Testicle Tuesdays and free ball Friday are going to scar people for life
Dude that picute of your balls will haunt my nightmares
Those nachos came to me in a dream
I am harder than a fucking diamond and Michael Bolton is playing. Your move.
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