You should see what I'm doing to your stuffed animals
he said i was weird because i want to have sex in public places.
i dont think thats weird i think thats fun
i forgot to tell you, he fell asleep outside my house again last night, but im weird
Im at a strip club, and the dancer just farted into my face. The bad part about that is I could taste the wings I bought her earlier
I'm not sure what happened last night, but my turtle seems afraid of me.
All I learned from that experience was that drinking scotch out of a crunk goblet was bad news.
He just kept screaming "I have democratic immunity" as the cops dragged him into the car.
He was handing out home-made business cards that read "finger slamming bitches since 1986"\n
All these girls I talk to are like I've never had a hangover and I'm like you don't drink right here let me show you
I was dancing with a blow torch in one hand and a bowl of weed in the other
Just took plan b with my eggs and chai...homecoming got the best of me already
Never play truth or dare with a girl who carries a dildo in her purse. I'll never go to a Denny's again.
Sexiest use of a semi colon this week, congratulations.
The dick lei will go down in squad history
He doesn't wear a seatbelt. He votes Republican. He has a small dick. That house of cards just fell apart.
So I wore my ankle step-counter exercise thingy while I rode him. Don't fuck him- I only burned .2 pounds.
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