Well apparently he's into motor boating.
Omg. If Ina Garten Makes roast chicken one more time im going to strangle her with her white button down
i would rim the shit out of meg ryan
and that's when the elephants and penises started dancing on the ceiling
i left him drunk and in the fetal postion in the shower.
was the water running?
yeah but he said he knows how to swim
Last night I dreamed I was having gay sex in prison. That's the last time we go to theme night at the club.
My motherly instincts are overcoming my slutty ones
Xanax and an ambien. And wine. I'm just waiting for mouth to mouth from some hot EMT. Sort of like the slutty girls version of sleeping beauty
I just shit a hot coal. Pretty sure it's that fireball shot from yesterday.
The only times girls talk to me at clubs is when they're asking if I'm okay when I'm puking outside. Or if it's a tranny
But we only had three ninja turtles. So everyone that would ask us where Donatello was, we would say "what? He's gone? Shredder is at it again!"
10/10 would definitely still fuck you dressed as squirrel
Adulthood is weird i just cleared a check larger than my gross income from 2011 but i also just did coke during my lunch break
Welcome to the club of "Sick of cleaning up actual shit." We meet on the 3rd Sunday of each month. Bring your ceremonial viking helmet.
Besides, I'm booked tomorrow. I'm planning on drinking heavily and crying in the bath.
Randomize
